I can go back outside, why am I feeling fearful?
We have all been aware of the immense struggles the pandemic has created physically, economically, and especially psychologically. A prolonged time of hopelessness and helplessness have fueled feelings of depression and anxiety for many people that have never experienced these feelings before and has only exacerbated it in those already struggling. The lack of social contact from friends and family takes a major toll on our sense of well being. Novelty that is now absent from everyday life makes us feel dull and lifeless. Considering these effects from prolonged isolation it would be easy to assume that once staying at home is not required, we should all be rejoicing. Is that realistic to expect and is that what people are noticing in their actual experience? Contrary to what would seem like an easy celebration, in reality is not that simple and there is now a “post-pandemic reaction”. Although the pandemic is nowhere close to being “over”; the daily restrictions are loosening with more options for resuming some normal activities, outdoor activities and distanced gatherings. But what if you don’t feel like you have the energy or the interest in doing these things? Or anything for that matter? You might even find that you feel anxiety about leaving the house or being out in public despite being fully vaccinated. What if you don’t feel as ready as your friends to jump right back into outside events? You are not alone. On the surface, it seems we “should” feel happy about life going back to normal (that word should is fraught with trouble because it assumes that there is only one acceptable way of feeling, acting or being, and that is never true). After spending a year + in forced isolation, it may be more difficult to emerge than we think.
This is the paradoxical part that can seem a little difficult to understand at first. The beginning glimpses of life in “before times” that we have been dreaming of for over a year now, is in actuality causing increased stress, anxiety and fear. There are a number of psycho/social/biological factors that can account for these feelings.
We have been living in constant chronic fear from an invisible and unseen threat, i.e. virus. From our sensory perspective nothing looked or felt different from February 2020 when life was normal to three weeks later when life was nothing close to normal. The only difference was a conscious understanding that a dangerous virus was spreading and we needed to “shelter in place”. In fact the very wording governments used in the beginning contributed to an increase of fear and anxiety. Shelter in place was later replaced with “stay at home”, for example, which connotes a lesser sense of immediate threat. The psychological state of fear for a prolonged period of time wreaks havoc on the nervous system. We are simply not designed biologically to live under an invisible threat for this length of time. Aside from the trauma of prolonged extreme chronic stress the other problem with an invisible enemy is that there is no way to tell if an environment is safe or not. For example, after a flood which could potentially create very serious and life threatening conditions, it is easy to tell when it is over and when it is safe to back to life rebuilding and repairing the damage.
In the case of a pandemic there is no way to tell with our five senses when the danger has passed. Therefore our nervous systems stays in high alert long after the danger has passed because there are no sensory cues to reassure us on a physiological level that it is now in fact safe.
Being confined to the small space within our homes can actually make us more accustomed to a small environment. Not only have our homes been deemed safe and provided comfort, but visually we can become habituated to the size of our surroundings and venturing outside to larger and open spaces can feel very unsafe and daunting. Prisoners when released from prison will often report feelings of panic when going out into public life again. Many report sleeping in closets or bathrooms for comfort and a feeling of “normal”. Comparing the pandemic stay-at-home orders to prison may be a bit drastic; however, symbolically the concept is similar. See this article about the experience of a Nevada man I Spent 22 Years in Solitary Confinement. Then I Didn’t Want to Leave | The Marshall Project. We become accustomed to small spaces and venturing out of a visually restricted space can trigger feelings of anxiety and panic.
The social isolation as well creates feelings of loneliness, depression and a general feeling of malaise that keeps us stuck in a negative cycle. Whereby, we don’t have the energy or motivation to reach out for human connection, which is the very thing that would make us feel better.
Kira Newman writes in the Berkeley.edu online magazine Greater Good that Zoom fatigue is very real. The lack of physical closeness promotes social isolation and can bring about depression and loneliness. Looking at a two dimensional computer screen does not create emotional connection. Quite the contrary, it uses up much needed energy because there is unnatural and excessive eye contact as well as looking at our own image reflecting back on the screen is draining and not a natural way to have a conversation. In a face-to-face conversation we are able to looking in other directions while listening or talking, receive visual clues from body language and have natural pauses in conversation that are not possible on a video connection. How Pandemic Fatigue Made Us Antisocial (berkeley.edu)
Another aspect of diminished feelings of connection is missing out on the day to day random conversations with strangers. A study by University of Essex Social Psychologist Gillian Sandstorm was conducted to find out what happens when strangers interact during an unplanned conversation, much like what used to happen to us on a daily basis. Missing out on random conversations with strangers might initially seem like a small loss compared to the loss of contact from family and friends; however the study revealed that there are many unlikely benefits that we take for granted. Study participants were randomly paired up for an impromptu conversation. The first finding was the actual length of time participants conversed. Before the experiment, participants guessed that they would talk for only 14 minutes; however the length of conversations averaged out to 44 minutes. Other findings indicated that the participants felt an increased feeling of community and connection. The conversations created a sense of novelty for the participants and the stranger conversations helped them present in a more positive manner. They shifted away from focusing on day to day worries and fears to create a more positive first impression. In a scenario when the only contact we have is with close family and friends it can be a relief to balance this out with more superficial content. Here more about this study on this podcast: What are we missing out on by not talking to strangers? – podcast | Science | The Guardian
What to do to help
Despite the losses and hardships, there are ways to cope and begin to be more comfortable with resuming life again. The first step is to acknowledge your feelings and that there is nothing wrong with you if you feel any spectrum of wavering emotions right now. This has been a long and difficult time and you will have moments where things feel alright and other times when you feel discouraged and depressed. This is all normal.
- Accepting the range of emotions and that some of them might not make immediate sense, all with a sense of loving compassion for yourself. Stating internally “of course I feel this way, I have been through a stressful time”
- Remind yourself that this is not permanent and that the transition back to normal life is not going to be like a light switch. One day it isn’t all going to go back to the way it was. More likely this will be a slow transition to more normalcy and that you will have varying degrees of anxiety adjusting to these changes. Listen to these feelings and accept that they are real. Even if your friends or family feel differently, don’t compare yourself to what others are doing or how it seems they are having “fun” based on their social media accounts. If you don’t feel ready to be out in a certain situation it is ok to say no. Tomorrow you may feel differently.
- Get outside every day, even for 5-10 minutes. Go for a walk or get out to an area that feels “big” and wide open.
- If you do have to go into situations that feel anxiety provoking because of work or other situations, try some slow deep breathing during that time. The key to deep breathing creating a sense of calm is to put as much or more emphasis on the slow exhale as the inhale. Count to 4 on the inhale and then exhale to at least a count of 5 or as long as you can on the exhale. The exhale is what triggers the nervous system to know that it can slow down and relax. Taking big deep inhales and then quickly exhaling actually increases the fight/flight response.
- Another technique that can help bring about peace and calm is a simple Butterfly Hug, which is done by crossing your arms in front of you and then slowly alternating tapping your hands on your upper arms. As well as a simple holding of the forehead and the back of the head with each hand is extremely calming and soothing.
Even in the direst of circumstances the human spirit is both indomitable and adaptive for survival. We will all get through this and can look forward to discussing our successes during spontaneous pleasant conversations with strangers in the near future.
If these suggestions were helpful, visit ACEP for more mind/body connection strategies to help you through stress and anxiety. Home | Resources4Resilience (r4r.support)